Is the woman serious about finding an internet partner, or is it all "just a game"? Has the man already driven her away with specific online dating behaviours or, possibly, by failing to woo her in the manner she was expecting? Unfortunately, whatever the reason, it's true to say that if this is happening, it’s likely there’s no potential love match; the woman has probably already placed her dating site suitor into the "just friends box."
"In the Friends Box": What Does It Mean?
This doesn't mean a man is unattractive – she just doesn't think he’s her likely love match. Everyone using online dating sites has their own criteria. People using online dating sites will all have unrealistically high expectations. Some are downright impossible to fulfill, aren’t they?
How does it happen, that women put men into "the friends box" before they even meet?
Primarily, a woman is probably receiving too much email attention, and he simply isn’t the one with "standout." Lots of e-mail sounds flattering but soon becomes wearing, especially alongside a busy career or lifestyle.
So, Can Chemistry Really Happen in Online Dating?
Some women are happy to arrange dates with a number of men, but many prefer to wait for the emergence of an elusive "spark" by email or text. They haven't the time or energy to meet several.
Men often say a "spark" can't happen online, but anecdotal evidence shows that it can and does for both sexes.
Then, the woman may have recognised mismatches in lifestyles or aspirations – i.e., what she wants from life, compared to how he’s presented his view of his own future world. This is quite normal and men do the same. Surely it’s better to notice these things now, and stall, than to build up false hopes?
Online Dating Advice to Men: Don’t be Brash
Women also say they back off when a man is too pushy or too brash, in online dating.
An example is, he’s barely exchanged two lines with her by email when he thrusts his mobile number across the ether and insists (not invites – they are quite different!) that she calls him.
Online Really Does Mean Online...
Men must remember they’ve chosen "online" dating, so should allow for an element of email lead-in before progression is likely. Etiquette is still meaningful!
Men could try imagining they are "in the woman's shoes" and have 20 women telling them to call, and offering no further dialogue until they do. It's pressured, intimidating and assuming. Oh, and rude!
Don’t Dominate: Create a Rapport Instead
How would a man decide which, if any, of these women, to give time and energies to, if there’s no online rapport? It’s a full-time job to call them all.
Isn’t it also rather irritating to be "told" to call someone? (Consider: Should any demands at all be placed on a stranger or mere acquaintance?). Is it not far more appealing to be polite and charming, and try to create a rapport online, leaving a woman waiting for him to ask her on a date, or even requesting a date herself?
Top Tips for Turning Online Contacts Into Dates
- He should flirt, flatter, compliment. Asking interested questions is good, but he shouldn’t put pressure or demand.
- He should steer off the topic of work. Once she knows what he does at a base level, he should drop it.
- A gentleman lets the woman control method and pace of communications. He could say, "We've chatted by email for a while; if you want to use another method just let me know." Similarly, he might say, "Please have my number, but don't feel obliged to call."
- He should entice her to meet. "I so can't wait to meet you" is more appealing than forcing her into a potential "so when are you going to meet me" corner.
Online Dating: Investing for the Future
Online dating has as much need for grace and etiquette as any offline form of social interaction. Remember, the aim might be to meet a lifelong partner, so time and patience invested now may reap substantial rewards later.
It also does not hurt to approach internet dating with a healthy dose of realism, remembering that compatibility and longevity can be important factors, rather than simple immediate gratification.
More About Relationships By Cheryl-Anne Jenkinson:
Has My Girlfriend Had Too Many Sexual Partners?
Online Dating: Why Won't She Meet Me?
Online Dating: Tips for How to Get A Guy
Online Dating: How to Get A Wealthy Guy
Cheryl-Anne Jenkinson - Cheryl-Anne Jenkinson is 44 years old and has spent the last 20 years working in the qualitative strategic research sector, where she has ...
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