Online dating sites bear testament to the fact that many men find it difficult to allow themselves to fall in love; some even go as far as to say "I don't know what love is!" as if it's something to be proud of. With this in mind, managing to express sentiments of love when a man does actually begin to feel it, can be a difficult and even stressful experience.
Falling in Love
"What is love all about, anyway?" – some men's online dating profiles seem to be asking. Feelings of love are vastly different for everyone, yet most would agree that falling in love to the point where "I love you" is voiced, requires a more significant emotional connection than most dating experiences usually present. It's precisely this depth, and the commensurate sense of vulnerability, that renders some men shy of falling in love and saying those three little words.
While most women would dearly like to hear a man say "I love you", they also need to feel that he means it. It is not merely about speaking the words.
When is it Right to Say "I Love You?"
It is simpler to indicate when it isn't right to say "I love you." It really should not be a conscious thought but, rather, should trip off the tongue as an expression from the heart and that's why it tends to be said most of all, and takes people by surprise, during moments of real intimacy.
If saying the phrase feels at all forced, difficult, expected or like a chore, then it's far too conscious and probably shouldn't be said; something is clearly not right. It is not mandatory to express love verbally at all, even when involved in a close relationship.
Don't be Disingenuous in Expressing Love
In fact it can prove damaging to some people to hear the phrase "I love you" if the speaker is disingenuous. This utterance may be what that person finds hardest to get over when the relationship fails. "Why did he say he loved me?" is commonly asked.
An example of being disingenuous might be the speaker saying "I love you" while knowing he is about to end the relationship; he says it simply because he feels his partner desires to hear it, or because it will get him out of an awkward situation. Saying "I love you" should come naturally, and feel empowering; it is just another way of giving heartfelt affection.
Ways of Saying "I Love You"
Besides actually saying the words, it is not difficult to tell someone that you love them in gestures; there is no need to spend money on lavish gifts; even if occasional gifts may be appreciated, extra-marital affairs and "sugar daddy" type arrangements are two examples where expenditure can sometimes be a major factor but love is commonly neither deep nor enduring, so buying gifts does not mean the person will understand that love is a factor.
Gestures to say "I love you" could involve being supportive of a partner's goals and helping him achieve them. This might be demonstrated by helping him revise for an examination, buying him a book to help him prepare, or running through a mock interview before he comes face to face with his promotion assessment board at work. It might be going along with him to visit his mother in hospital, even though she has never been welcoming or pleasant. Or it could be taking a laptop and sitting working on the bed alongside him when he's sick with the flu.
If the words "I love you" cannot yet be said, other gestures of affection and support are both noticeable and meaningful ways to convey the same message, and the memories of these will surely endure.
More About Relationships By Cheryl-Anne Jenkinson:
Has My Girlfriend Had Too Many Sexual Partners?
Online Dating: Why Won't She Meet Me?
Online Dating: Tips for How to Get A Guy
Online Dating: How to Get A Wealthy Guy
Cheryl-Anne Jenkinson - Cheryl-Anne Jenkinson is 44 years old and has spent the last 20 years working in the qualitative strategic research sector, where she has ...
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