Sex addiction has the power to destroy relationships. However, defining the line between a healthy interest in sex and an actual addiction can be difficult. Just because someone has a drive for a high level of sexual activity, an interest in pornography or a tendency towards certain fetishes or behaviors, does not indicate they have an addiction.
What is a Sex Addict?
To be classified as a "sex addict" certain criteria must be met. The degree to which an individual engages in sexual behavior has to be destructive; it has a hurtful impact on other areas of his daily life, and possibly his job, social interactions, and, frequently, his finances. Sexual behavior becomes compulsive and excluding. It is a preoccupation, an obsession, a can't-do-without, and a quick-fix for every stressful event. Addicts re-organize their lives around sex; anything that doesn't allow their planned sexual "fix" will not be factored into the schedule.
The Signs of Sex Addiction
Typical signs of addiction include the following:
- needing several sex partners at the same time
- indecent exposure in public, on the internet or in person
- excessive masturbation – especially as a stress reliever
- sex with prostitutes, or using paid sexual facilities such as chatlines and escort services, secretively alongside a relationship
- participating in chat rooms or sexual internet services in place of trying to secure ‘a real’ face-to-face relationship
- daily use of pornography, online or offline
- feeling a need for sexual activity whenever stressed or anxious; treating sex as a relaxant or escape mechanism
- feeling shame or remorse about sexual activities or fantasies
Consequences of Sex Addiction
Financial consequences of addiction are common, with immersion in sexual activities often leading to poor time-keeping and job loss. Unemployment and high levels of spending on chat-lines and prostitutes can quickly lead to financial destitution.
Social consequences are inevitable, since an addict’s immersion in sexual activities to the exclusion of all else leads to the breakdown of relationships and friendships.
Legal consequences are possible. Initially inoffensive sexually addictive behaviors can spiral into illegal activities such as harassment, molestation, lewd acts, and downloading of illegal pornography. Arrest and imprisonment may follow.
There are almost always harsh emotional consequences, including depression, anxiety, and even thoughts of suicide.
The Role of Friends and Family in Addiction
Since most addicts deny having a problem, the individual usually needs friends and family to point out the issue and persist in requesting that help is sought. It is also common for there to be a major catalyst such as being arrested, suffering job loss or the break-up of a significant relationship, before the scale of the problem is acknowledged by the addict. The addict may be unable to cope with the emotional impact and will need support.
Getting Help for Sex Addiction
It is important to break the cycle of sex addiction; addicts inevitably end up feeling stressed and anxious about their behavior, leading to yet more stress-relieving compulsive sexual activity and an increasingly downward spiral. There is a clear parallel with other forms of addiction such as gambling, alcoholism and drug abuse; the more an addict chastises himself about his behavior, the greater his subsequent immersion. External help is always required.
12-Step Recovery Program and Other Treatments
Development of a healthy approach to sexuality is the focus of treatment. Various types of therapy are offered, but addicts are likely to be offered individual counseling or psychotherapy, and marital or relationship therapy. There may be an educational program addressing healthy sexual attitudes and practices, and the addict is made aware of support groups and the 12-Step Recovery Program offered by therapy centers and Sex Addicts Anonymous®. Medications to treat obsessive compulsive disorder are used in some cases, since a compulsive element to sex addiction is recognized.
References:
Carnes, P, Out of the Shadows, Hazelden, 2001
Penix Sbraga T, O'Donoghue WT, The Sex Addiction Workbook, New Harbinger Publications, 2003
Carnes P, Clinical Management of Sex Addiction, Adams KM, Routledge, 2002
Wilson M, Hope After Betrayal, Kregel Publications, 2007
Cheryl-Anne Jenkinson - Cheryl-Anne Jenkinson is 44 years old and has spent the last 20 years working in the qualitative strategic research sector, where she has ...
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